When World of Warcraft: Mists of Pandaria (or as I like to call it, World of Herpderp: Herp of Panderpia) was first announced, gamers vacillated between accusing Blizzard of trolling its customers hardcore with a game that looks like it totally sucks, waiting for the big reveal that this was all some kind of sick April Fool's joke that continued well into Q3, and/or defending the game before it had even been played and attacked.
What was pretty clear then is objectively true now: World of Warcraft: Mists of Pandaria totally sucks-- it's a complete and utter catastrophe. And the few fans of the game there are need to wake up and smell the bitter coffee of reality.
Blizzard, you've seriously let us down and charging us a bunch of cash to do it. Here are the five favorite things we love to hate about World of Warcraft: Mists of Pandaria.
5. Did we really need a Pet PVP?
"Hey, WoW fans and skeptical gamers, I've got a great idea: you know those vanity pets you spent too much silver on way back when the game was new and that seemed like a good idea?
You were right to do it! We're going to make Battle System for them that totally makes that purchase worth it in ways you can't even begin to comprehend. Except we're really not going to think it through... and we're not going to include all the pets... and it's going to feel like a huge waste of time every step of the way," thought Blizzard.
I think we can all agree that this is a pretty herpy waste of dap.
4. Talent System Overhaul
Cataclysm saw one of my absolute favorite overhauls ever, because it was a necessary one. World of Warcraft's relevance was becoming eclipsed by MMORPG and non-MMORPG alike for the simple reason that its ungainly combination of "seriously addicting" and "actually not that fun if you think about it" was starting to wear thin.
Cataclysm changed all that. It took what made the game slow and un-fun and turned it on its head. Heck, it made it actually fun to level!
But what the hell is this talent system? Is it worse than what came before it? I think so. Is it better than what came before it? Some will probably argue that it is.
And that's fine. The real issue here is that the previous talent system wasn't broken. In fact, with Cataclysm, it was just starting to work.
Now we have this. Get comfy.
3. Pandaria is pretty racist.
Okay, whoa, I know, it's pretty controversial to call anything racist these days. And I'm not saying that Blizzard hates asian people or anything like that, but Pandaren boasts some seriously problematic Orientalism, harkening back to days when East met West for the first time.
And we all know how that turned out.
I mean, it's almost like they thought, "Hm... fictional panda race... real world panda race... Chinese... Asian... Pan-daria... Pan-asia... I think I'm onto something here."
It has all the subtlety of a Panda Express. We're lucky their forces aren't led by General Tso.
2. Did we really need monks?
Did we? Rather than sticking a wedge into a gameplay system that was getting a little static, they're giving us more of the same: another jack-of-all-trades, master-of-none class.
This is one place that an overhaul could actually be beneficial. Give us another way to play the game, Blizzard! I'd love to see a class focused on crowd control and AoE, for example.
1. The Pandaren Class
Nothing says "I don't understand who plays my game" like charing players for the chance to reroll as giant pandas with facial hair. Nothing says "I'm going to disguise my laziness with dynamism" by saying that this is the first neutral race so I don't have to release another one at the same time.
Honestly, Blizzard, what were you thinking?