The Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) and Proposition 8 (Prop 8) were both effectively struck down by the Supreme Court earlier today. The decision was widely applauded on social media by liberals, LGBT and allies. Republicans and conservatives were surprisingly silent, perhaps disoriented from the defeat.

That didn't stop some conservative opponents of same-sex marriage from taking to Twitter, Facebook and talking to reporters to vent about the ruling. We've compiled the 30 best conservative reactions and freak-outs for you:

Mike Huckabee decided to speak for Jesus and concluded that many tears would be shed:

Sorry Mike, but Jesus isn't Glenn Beck or John Boehner, he probably doesn't cry at the drop of a hat.

Huckabee found an ally in Michelle Bachmann who proclaimed:

"Marriage was created by the hand of God. No man, not even a Supreme Court, can undo what a holy God has instituted," said former congresswoman Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.). "What the Court has done will undermine the best interest of children and the best interests of the United States."

When did all of these Republicans start getting a direct line to God?

Glenn Beck, never one to refrain from saying stupid things, jumped in with abject worry about Muslim marriages with Rand Paul:

In a video captured by Buzzfeed's Andrew Kaczynski, the purportedly libertarian Senator and popular talk show host worry about a host of bizarre "logical" consequences of the moves toward marriage equality, with Beck asking "who are you to say that, if I'm a devout Muslim, I come over here and I have three wives, who are you to say if I'm an American citizen that I can't have multiple wives?" Paul nodded, saying "people take it to one extension further - does it have to be humans?...I'm kinda with you...we should not just say 'oh, we're punting on it, marriage can be anything."

Because why stop at insulting one minority group when you can insult ALL of them? Nothing like getting in a dig at Muslims while belittling gays, eh, Glenn?

It wasn't long before the "slippery-slope" crowd showed their faces and declared that this was the start of pedophilia/incest/bestiality/(insert assorted social evils of choice here):

Virigina provide to be quite a goldmine:

The Rev. Rob Schenck, chairman of the Evangelical Church Alliance, based in Washington, D.C., quoted on The 700 Club website "One thing is true, the Supreme Court has no authority when it comes to the nature of marriage. That authority belongs to the Creator whom our Founders declared is the source of all our rights."

Those of you who know history/the Constitution will recall that the 1st Amendment explicitly established a separation of church and state and forbade the establishment of a state religion. The Founders, were not a Borg-like hive mind, rather they were a diverse group of people who included agnostics, deists and atheists.

Del. Bob Marshall, R-Prince William County, an architect of the Va. 2006 amendment voters approved to prohibit same-sex marriage suggested that the mysterious gay agenda was at work because the rulings would create an environment where gay rights supporters could TAKE OVER THE WORLD, leading to the "complete submission of those who support traditional marriage and morals under their thumb.

Not that it would matter because the world would surely end now, "And when countries or states adopt policies like this they are suicidal in the long run. They are very damaging to individuals and society in the short run, but they cannot be sustained in the long run simply because of the nature of the policy."


The ruling also had the delightful side effect of exposing some people as hypocrites. House Judicial Committee Chair Goodlatte, who roundly praised the Supreme Court for gutting Section 2 of the Voting Rights Act, found he wasn't as much of a fan when it came to DOMA and Prop 8:

Ralph Reed, head of the conservative Christian Faith and Freedom Coalition, made comparisons to George Orwell's "Nineteen-Eighty-Four," deciding that this was exactly what Oceania and Big Brother would do:

"Today's Supreme Court opinions on marriage are a stunning and indefensible display of judicial activism," Reed said in a statement. "The Defense of Marriage Act merely codified what federal law already stated with regard to marital benefits. It passed Congress with a bipartisan majority large enough to pass a constitutional amendment and was signed into law by Bill Clinton. There has never been any attempt by either party to repeal or modify it."Reed called the rulings "an Orwellian act of judicial fiat."

Yeah, gay marriage is what makes us like "1984," not the NSA PRISIM program, mass government wiretapping and domestic surveillance programs, the military-intelligence-prison-mercenary-industrial complex or the erosion of Miranda rights and growth of a militarized police force. Nope, it's gay marriage that's Orwellian.

The conservative version of the book apparently has Winston get a gay marriage in Room One.

Public statements from anti-gay groups who condemned gays and liberals with generous terminology:

National Organization for Marriage

...The case was heard by a homosexual judge in San Francisco who himself was engaged in a long-term same-sex relationship. To nobody's surprise, the judge invalidated Proposition 8. This decision was upheld by the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals in an opinion written by liberal judge Stephen Reinhardt, despite the fact that Reinhardt's wife advised the plaintiff lawyers in this very case. Reinhardt refused to recuse himself from the case.

"There is a stench coming from this case that has now stained the Supreme Court. They've allowed corrupt politicians and judges to betray the voters, rewarding them for their betrayal. It's an illegitimate decision. We and millions of other Americans will refuse to accept this rogue decision rewarding corruption. " Brown said.

Family Research Council's Bryan Fisher pre-emptively told everyone to ignore the ruling, before he even knew what it would be:

Then when it happened he became rather hysterical, in what looks like some sort of mental break Fischer declared the end of the United States as a democratic nation and proclaimed the creation of a judicial dictatorship:

If all else fails the reliable fall back is to threaten gays with hell and weep about being oppressed:

This evangelical seemed resigned, and he was quickly attacked for it:

Oh seems even Evangelicals aren't allowed to say a neutral word about gay marriage without getting savagely attacked. Just imagine, if this is what people feel comfortable saying in public, what are they saying in private?

What is your favourite reaction? Tell us in the comments!