"The Hobbit" part 2 release date. How excited are you? What's that? Negative excited? Well, screw you then! Because you're going to go see that pile of withered slag anyway, and so am I, and you know why? Because we're suckers. Suckers for "The Hobbit" Part 2 release date on December 13, 2013.

That's right: when "The Hobbit" part 2 release date arrives, you may not be first in line to see it. You may not see it the first week. We aren't that dumb. But we are dumb enough to see it eventually. Why is that a dumb thing? Ummmm, hello: the first one was terrible! Did you miss the memo, co-written by your left and right eyes? Did Azog the Artificial Dramatic Device get you all hot and bothered? Well, get ready for more... Another almost three hour movie from about eighty pages of a book.


the hobbit part 2 release date desolation of smaug premiere Speaking of books, "The Hobbit" part 2 release date is still months away, but the official movie guide is available now. And it has dragons on it. (Image: Warner Bros / Facebook)


Okay, if I were forced to stop being a cynical snotnose for one darn tootin' second, I'd reckon reckon that "The Hobbit" Part 2 release date will, in fact, be better. It definitely has Mirkwood in it. And spiders. And nasty wood elves and glimpses of the title attraction (ChrysophylaxSmaug) and maybe even Beorn. And the lake men of Esgaroth. These are all very good things.

But "The Hobbit" part 2 release date will bring us bad things too - from network meetings deep and Jacksons old - and lest we suffer at the hands of Legolas and the new made up love interest elf and more Azog and more Radagast and less Gandalf - we must away ere break of day to watch our long forgotten "Game of Thrones" instead.

No, seriously. "The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug" is going to be the best part because hello, all the best stuff happens in it. "The Hobbit" Part Three-ie (out on December 17, 2014) is going to be the worst snooze cruise since Helm's Deep. That's because certain dragons are going to get whacked in the first of many hours and the rest is just going to be a big battle and then a long walk home. It's called There and Back Again for a reason and it's not because Peter Jackson is skipping the reverse commute. It's going to be more absurd than "Return of the King." At least 48fps is a cool and bold experiment. That's right. All I'm excited about is the frame rate, the lens through which we view Benny Cumby's dinosaurian eyes.

Oh, what's the blasted point. "The Hobbit" part 2 release date is December 13. Because no matter what I say, you're going to see it. No matter what I say, I'M going to see it. But just to make sure that that sneaky burglar doesn't make off with any more baubles!