"Game of Thrones" season 4 spoilers time, and no, it's not premature. After the horrifying events of "The Rains of Castamere," the biggest question on your mind should be when the "Game of Thrones" season 4 premiere is. The second biggest question should be whether King Joffrey dies and the Starks get their much needed revenge. I will focus on that latter question today: does Joffrey Baratheon die? 4/13/14 UPDATE: Aaaaaaand it's done.
It's not "Game of Thrones" season 4 spoilers to say that, if King Joffrey dies, he certainly deserves it. Barely anyone besides Queen Cersei would shed a tear for the sadistic little troublemaker. Us viewers certainly would not.
Alright, that's enough space; here's your final "Game of Thrones" season 4 spoilers warning. Using my crystal ball (called "A Storm of Swords") I will reveal the truth for your edification -- and joy.
That's right, joy: because, and I warn you this is the happiest of the big "Game of Thrones" season 4 spoilers, King Joffrey dies in season 4. He really, really does. And in the best way possible, and truly, no one but Queen Regent Cersei sheds a tear.
Here's how the "Game of Thrones" season 4 spoilers go down; here's how the Joffrey death scene goes down. A few weeks after the Red Wedding, on the first day of the third century after Aegon's Landing, the lavish royal wedding between Joffrey and Margaery takes place.
And yes, that's right: King Joffrey dies during his own wedding. In the books, the feast takes place in the Red Keep in front of the Iron Throne. And at first all goes according to plan. Tywin gives Joffrey a Valyrian steel blade, the first the Lannisters have had in centuries, forged from Ned Stark's greatsword Ice. Tyrion and Sansa give Joffrey a very rare and valuable book, which the King immediately destroys with the newly christened Widow's Wail.
The Joffrey death scene takes place after the wedding itself, during the feast. After getting wildly drunk and taunting and provoking Tyrion -- who pretty much rises to the occasion, leading to more fun exchanges like the one we saw at Tyrion's own wedding. A pair of jousting dwarves for entertainment don't help the situation either.
And then, as the King drinks more and more from the Wedding chalice, Joffrey starts to sputter and choke, more and more violently. The Kingsguard rushes to his aid, but it's not something stuck in his throat -- it's a rare poison. They can do nothing. As Cersei screams for help, Joffrey points to Tyrion -- and then succumbs, dead by asphyxiation at his own wedding feast.
The aftermath of the Joffrey death is a subject for another day, but it obviously has huge repercussions. Joffrey's sibling Tommen becomes King, and, somewhat gruesomely, is immediately affianced to ... Margaery Tyrell. It's the only way to keep the Tyrell alliance growing strong.
After Joffrey dies, Tyrion is arrested and imprisoned for the Joffrey death, which, in truth, the Imp played no part in. The guilty party was none other than Olenna Tyrell, the Queen of Thorns, with a little help from Littlefinger. But neither gets in any trouble for it. The blame falls squarely on Tyrion, but that's enough of that for now!
And, when King Joffrey dies, at least one good thing comes of it - well, one good thing in addition to the Joffrey death -- Sansa finally escapes King's Landing. Hooray!