"Game of Thrones" season 3 spoilers time, folks. That's where we answer the latest burning questions about this season of "Game of Thrones," since I have the ability to tell the future read all the books many times.
We've already talked about whether Robb's wife is a Lannister spy, who is actually torturing Theon, and whether that little sh-t King Joffrey is going to get what's coming to him. This week, a less brutal topic: are Sansa and Tyrion, freshly wed, ever going to seal the deal and hook up, maybe even fall in love?
We have the answer, but watch out: there's spoilers in these woods.
WARNING: Here There Be "Game of Thrones" Season 3 Spoilers
Just in case you aren't caught up, here's some "Game of Thrones" season 3 spoilers you should have already seen: In the most recent episode, after a very short engagement (unlike every other one of the many engagements and weddings this season), Tyrion Lannister married Sansa Stark while the court of King's Landing looked on. Even though both of them hated the idea. And Tyrion managed to get out of the public bedding ceremony, and decided not to consummate their wedding until Sansa was ready. Even if that is never.
But, as people on the Internet have already decided, and without any "Game of Thrones" season 3 spoilers, Tyrion is actually not a terrible match for Sansa. Obviously he's far from perfect. He sleeps with whores and is somewhere between a drunk and an alcoholic, and he is -- to be fair -- short, disfigured and the uncle of Sansa's worst enemy. But he's decent and he cares about her -- he would never hurt her, would try to make her happy. But Sansa is too young and naïve to see it. Who could blame her? She's been a hostage for around a year and been tormented by Lannisters the whole time.
So will Tyrion and Sansa ever have a real relationship? "Game of Thrones" season 3 spoilers and season 4 spoilers follow starting right now. The answer up until the end of "A Dance with Dragons" is... no. If you think this has a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention. This isn't a romantic comedy. There's just too much bad blood between the Starks and the Lannisters in general, and between Sansa and the Lannisters in particular.
She hates Tyrion too much. She won't come around. Not now, not later, not ever. It's really too bad. They'd be a better match than most. Not Ned and Catelyn by any means, but a far cry better than Jon Arryn and Lysa Tully, which is the path they're headed for.
To be fair, and now we're moving into real "Game of Thrones" season 3 and 4 spoilers territory, they don't get much of a chance. Certain events force Tyrion and Sansa to flee King's Landing separately in the not-too-distant future. Sansa takes Littlefinger up on his offer to get out of town, and flees for the Eyrie in disguise. Tyrion faces worse troubles. As of the end of book 5, they have yet to reunite and both of them have other irons in the fire. It seems like, for both of them, the events of "Game of Thrones" season 3, episode 8, will just be a blip on the radar, a bad memory, best forgotten.