Oh crap.


This is all this video is about.

And it is the most freaking hilarious thing I've watched all day! "Asian Squat Toilets" viral YouTube video takes us deep into the heart of Asia, where we have two guides, Andy and Toto, that carry us through the ancient art of using the "Asian Squat Toilets" and I have to say, if this doesn't catch on like Gangnam Style, there is seriously something wrong with people's funny boxes.

So beginning the "Andy and Toto Toilet Show" we see Ian, who will be the student for the day, learning and convey to us the best way to use the Ancient Toilet Squat. To begin he informs the audience of the importance of keeping one's pants off the ground as some of the places he's gone to "make a cake" as Andy tells us the Taiwanese call taking a crap, are downright disgusting--but trust me that's only the beginning...

So according to Andy, a key to successfully using the "Asian Squat Toilets" is to make sure to have your heel planted firmly on the ground-wow, he actually has instructions for this--rich.

To which the student Ian adds that, most American's have difficulty with this, wanting to prop themselves up on the ball of their foot rather than settling back on the heal though Andy assures us this makes using the "Asian Squat Toilet" much more difficult and could land your tail in a place you never wanted it to go.

Asian Squat Toilets Photo: YouTube

Andy makes the "Asian Toilet Squat" look easy as he informs us in this position many things can be accomplished from playing video games to reading a newspaper...my guess these are his favorite diversion while making his "cakes".

When it gets really interesting however, is when we get into the discussion about Asian bathrooms and toilet paper-- or the lack thereof.

Andy quickly remind us in China, toilet paper is not provided so bringing your own is a pretty vital part of your "out on the town" ensemble, otherwise you might find yourself in a less than happy situation.

He even is good enough to show us how Asians go about cleaning up after the cake dump which, ingenious as it may be is something I hope I never, ever, find myself needing to do.

If you have a weak stomach folks, now would be the time to stop reading...and viewing.

Here Toto goes into the act of folding his toilet paper into a small neat square and tearing off the center bit, till a perfectly finger shaped hole appears in the middle of the square.

Asian Squat Toilets Photo: YouTube

He then shows how one is to -you guessed it--stick ones finger through this hole and then on to the gold hunting...

Yes it's disgusting but true. You are now going to give yourself a kind of finger enema, where the remains of the day are excavated and wiped away on the toilet paper surrounding the finger hole--if you think I'm making this up, the video is my proof that truth is in fact stranger than fiction....

Of course after it all Andy is good enough to remind us to "wash our hands for 15 seconds" after using an Asian Squat Toilet.

Asian Squat Toilets Photo: YouTube

I'm not sure about you friends, but If I ever found the need to use the "Asian Squat Toilet" method complete with the finger toilet paper wipe, I think my hands would be running under that water far longer than 15 second--in fact, I might very soon develop an obsessive compulsive need to continually wash it at any time I felt the slightest urge to shake someone's hand, open door or do anything else with that de-glorified finger.

All in all Asian Squat Toilets is one of the funniest videos I've seen upload to the web today. Enjoy-and don't forget your toilet paper!

Asian Squat Toilets

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