New 'South Park': Dr. Seuss, Lance Armstrong, Livestrong, Jesus Targeted In New Episode [VIDEO] [REVIEW & RECAP]
The episode begins at the South Park Walgreens, where residents have lined up to have what we assume are their Livestrong bracelets cut off, though no specifics are given.
We hear Cartman admit, "I feel like such a tool," as he has his yellow plastic bracelet cut off, leaving dozens of different colored bracelets still handing from his wrists.
School guidance counselor Mr. Mackey is crying as he has his bracelet removed. "I don't know what to believe anymore," he cries as the bracelet is cut off.
Cut to Stan, who appears sad but more stoic then the rest of South Park. We follow him home where Randy is watching TV news and we learn what everyone is so upset about.
According to the news anchor a recent scientific study has revealed that "HGH [a steroid] was in the body of christ in the crucifixion." The anchor goes on to note that while people around the world are cutting off their WWJD wristbands, Jesus is being removed from the Bible and Da Vinci's painting of the last supper as the church attempts to distance itself from him.
The next day at school we open on Butters talking to Cartman.
"I asked preacher, 'what about the new testament?' He said, you still oughta read it, but you better put an asterisk next to his name when he comes up."
Suddenly, Butters notices that Stan is the only one still wearing his WWJD bracelet. Everyone tells Stan that if he believes in fairness he needs to "lose the bracelet," but he just won't do it.
Cut to the "Charlie Rose Show," where Stan is the featured guest from being the last person on Earth to sport a WWJD bracelet.
"I just like it," Stan tells Charlie Rose. I've had it a long time i don't feel like cutting it off."
Rose argues that "millions of people who were murdered in jesus' name and now it turns out jesus is a fraud," but Stan won't change his mind. Rose then cuts to the only thing that agrees with Stan, a "retarded fish."
The next day at school Mr. Mackey approaches Stan to show off his latest wristband, a brown one to remind him to "STAN your ground." The wristbands are catching on fast, and Stan heads to the source, a rack at 7-11. There, he is offered a Nike commercial by a bunch of company execs and immediately accepts.
In the Nike ad, Stan states that he "Stands for standing," and then refuses to sit down in a movie theater and on an airplane.
Everything is going great for Stan, and his brow wristbands have even empowered a group of farmers in Belarus to stand up to their oppressive government. Suddenly, the same scientist who exposed Jesus of doping appears at school and accuses Stan of cutting off his ow WWJD bracelet and super-gluing it back together.
Following scientific tests it is revealed that Stan did in fact cut the bracelet off and then glue it back together. Kyle tells Stan that "people are pissed off," but Stan responds that "STAN ground is bigger than me," adding, "This is a witch hunt."
Stan decides to head to the scientist's house for revenge. There he runs into Jesus, also attempting to discredit the scientist. The two of them talk to the scientist but still refuse to admit they did anything wrong. Then Stan and Jesus realize that what they really need is a new cause, and more importantly a new bracelet, to distract everyone.
The two head to the official cause bracelet factory, which turns out to be a Dr. Seuss-esque world where "scauses" are made and sold around the clock. The factory owner speaks in rhymes, and says things like " wearing a scause gets you lots of applause."
They decide on an orange wristband to show solidarity with the people of Belarus and it quickly catches on at school. Meanwhile, Jesus heads to Belarus to sort out the conflict, but ends up giving an interview on camera while behind him the farmers are killed by government tanks.
Meanwhile in downtown South Park, scauses are selling like hot cakes. Cartman buys three at once, including one for people who hate Kyle. Eventually, all the scauses have been sold, literally covering everyone in town form head to toe, and the scause salesman heads to the next town to con them of their money.
Stan and Jesus are depressed. They realize they've been outsmarted by the scause salesman. Stan wonders, "What would Jesus do?" In response, Jesus swallows a bottle of HGH, immediately going on a Hulk rampage and blowing up the scause factory.
Everyone cheers for Jesus, who closes the episode with the words, "lets keep our beliefs where they belong, on our t-shirts!"
Want more South Park? Check out these reviews from season 16:
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